Archive for the ‘Wine’ Category

The L Wine: Lineman’s Wine or Why My Wine Server Sucks

December 22, 2013

I was pressed into doing a review of the classy _looking_ Lineman’s Wine.


The reason that I’m so upset is because due to her incompetence in opening the wine _before_ asking for my expert advice, I’m forced to do this review out of order or with somewhat in complete data.


Thus, for all we know Lineman’s could be Five Gold Star Medal Winner 100 Years in a row. Or it could be purple swilll suitable only for winos.


Immediately, a giant 50+ written on the nozzle of the bottle. I have no idea what this means, but it seems to be a good thing especially as it’s such a large number next to a positive sounding plus sign. Under the +50 it says “Best Buy Best Value Awards.” Ah, an OK wine for cheapos. Great!


The other lable is also classy enough with its large “L” which gives us one of my title’s for this article. Also, it says “Bin 40” in cursive. More impressive gibberish. I guess 2012 was a good year for wine labels.


I sniffed the cork after the server rubbed it on her bare foot. (Don’t ask). The cork smells faintly of wine and even more faintly of old basement, a bit musty.


The actual scent of the bottle is of high grade church wine.


On first impression, it’s a bit too sweet and fruity for my taste, but the finish is that of a normal middle of the road wine.


A few more mouthfuls later, and yes, it’s actually a quite decent wine. Again, not dry enough for my taste, but if you like a sweeter Merlot, this is not the worst of the lot.


Charles Shaw

December 2, 2013

What can I say about the label? Simple yet classyYet when I tried to get the cork out, it didn’t want to come. The cork screw seems to have gotten stuck! Now it’s pull out like a screw in drywall. What did Charles (or Charlie as I like to call him) use for cork material? Driftwood?

With the combind force of two admittedly out of shape people, we still couldn’t manage to get the damned thing out. What does Charlie want? Us to look at his bottle or to drink the stuff.

Finally, cooler heads prevailed and like a scene from The Cosby Show, the woman truly knew better and managed to get it out on her own. Yeah!

Honestly, I don’t know the point in sniffing the cork. They all smell the same. This one’s earthy and pungent and yet less sharp and the overall odor is much weaker than what I’m used to. Also, there’s a hint of mold or must. Not the most promising cork sniffing.

The bouquet is weak and can only remind me of church wine.

Yet when I drink it, by God it’s wine. Delicious wine. And at three dollars a bottle, this hits a very nice price point. Not the best wine at this insanely low price, but since it has nice name recognition, it’s a worthwhile buy at this price range.

Woodbridge by Robert Mondavi

November 29, 2013

robert-wineThis elegant label looks like it could be a woodcut perhaps by Albrech Durer. It shows a wooden arched bridge which leads to a lovely vinyard.

The whole ensemble has me thinking that this label should be more of a book cover rather than a wine label especially because last time I checked, wine usually doesn’t have an author.

Robert’s a bit of a trickster because the wine wasn’t in the wine section of Albertson, but rather in the snack section. But at $6.41, it was quite the bargain.

Let’s open up this bargain.
Note, that there is NO safety seal, only a cork. This means that someone could have all ready opened it! I like this as those safety things are bullshit anyway: too much work. Plus, I like to live on the edge.

Right before, I busted her open, I realized that there’s a lovely monogram of “RM” (Robert Mondavi) with a tiny leaf which is presumably from a wine plant. Cute.

The plastic “cork” has a deep, pungent, and earthy smell. Excellent. They have even upped their game on the whole plastic cork technology as I thought that the cork was real until told otherwise by my assistant. This cork didn’t even smell of plastic.

The bouquet is much sharper than the smell from the cork. Fascinating. The smell is good, but it’s almost to the edge of actually smelling too strongly of alcohol. However, overall, it’s a good experience so far.

The mouth feel is thick and grapey. Robert’s got a full bodied wine. The finish was sharp, but again delicious.

Overall, this is an excellent buy. Thanks, Robert.

Black Swan (Song for Decent Wine)

December 20, 2008

I got this wine because I liked the book so much, I thought I’d like the wine as well. I was wrong, which is predicted by Dr. Taleb. With a Black Swan, you never know.

I could have known that buying the second cheapest wine in the store. This could be the first cheapest if you factor in that only known losers like Manischewitz cost less.

We were looking for the famed Two Buck Chuck wine from Trader Joe’s, but of course, they were closed by the time we got there. Therefore, we are stuck with the Black Swan Cabernet Sauvignon.

At first glance, this is a classy wine. Aside from the name, the cover of the bottle could be the cover of a decent fantasy novel. The black swan is so stylized and it has a shiny beak like the shiny covers of the thrillers. On second thought thriller, in general, are not for me. Nor is this wine. The label even comments on itself, “NEW LOOK! Same Bold Taste.” I should have known that a self-referential label was a bad idea especially when we are talking about cheapo wine. Finally, the label boasts of an Australian vintage in the year 2006, both good things in my book, but bad in practice.

Only when we got the bottle open, though, did we realize we made a mistake. The first sniff and there was a harsh acrid odor that only smelled faintly of wine. The first sip and one tastes water that has a little bit of wine flavor in it. There’s more flavor once you swallow the stuff, but most of that is an acid burn. Once the swallow is done, there’s a pleasant post-wine taste in one’s mouth. So it tastes best when you are done drinking it, actually.

I don’t want you to think that Black Swan is all bad. That would be too predictable which would contradict the label. It’s just not the greatest wine you could get for six dollars. After all, I could get 3 bottles of Two Buck Chuck for the same price or 2.4 bottles of Oak Creek from CVS Drug Store.

If someone serves this, and it’s the only wine then drink away. If you have a choice then try something else. You never know.

Oak Creek Cabernet Sauvignon

December 17, 2008

At this time, I’m so poor, I can’t really buy wine. I’d prefer to wait until I can afford something that I can afford. Yes, I do low rent wine reviews. Therefore, when I saw this Oak Creek Cabernet Sauvignon* at CVS for $2.50 per bottle, I could not pass it up. Yes, usually cheap ass wine is a pain to drink. I recall the only bottle of wine I had to toss out which was Manishevitz. This stuff made me sick as I drank it.

I figured that the Oak Creek might be similar. But it was worth it because the bottle looked like its contents would be proper wine, not some candy shit.

When I opened the bottle, I was not surprised to see that the cork was made from some rubber, faux cork. It did not hold wine very well, the beads of wine sort of dewed up on the end so it wasn’t much to sniff.

Once I had a single sip of this stuff I was hooked. It was just as good as the best wine I ever had. The best. The wine was very dark purple (like normal wine!) and very dry (also normal(. Since I have a very poor sense of taste, the cheapest bottle of wine is a crack in the sidewalk away from the most expensive so long as the cheap stuff adheres to a few standards like not tasting like grape jelly mixed with turpentine.

Ever since, I can’t look at another bottle of wine the same. Everything is in increments of 2.5. For example, for each five dollar bottle of crappy wine I see in the grocery store, I think that I could get two bottles of Oak Creek. And so on. The regular ten dollar bottles are way out of my league now.

In fact, I have no desire to drink any other wine again as long as I live. This is it for me.

Wine perfection. I wasn’t even hung over the next day which is strange because wine often makes people sick because of the sulfates. And also because of the alcohol.

* [Note I have no affiliation with Oak Creek in any way, but boy I wish I did.]