Archive for December, 2008

Showered Like Your Homeless

December 31, 2008

Yesterday, I had shower, but despite the high rent we are paying, it did not work.

That is, the shower came on when I turned it on, but it was only super hot water coming out a trickle at a time. Of course, I had to take a shower right away because I need to take a shower before I can do the laundry (long story).

Also, my friend was coming in half an hour, and I needed an hour to get ready. So I decided to take a shower right away.

It was like showering with an eye dropper. I used the kitchen sink to supplement the water supply which also made me feel even more homeless. Also, I sang annoying songs and made an overall nuisance of myself.

My wife clocked my total bitching time at two hours straight. Thankfully, my friends were late so that made me right on time.

I have a new sympathy for the homeless especially as they don’t have the luxury of showering in (relative) privacy. I know this sounds bad, like one of those retarded wealthy people. “Being homeless is really hard. I learned that when I locked the keys in my car.” But still, it was true. Quite annoying.

On the plus side, for homeless, they shower for free.

Black Swan (Song for Decent Wine)

December 20, 2008

I got this wine because I liked the book so much, I thought I’d like the wine as well. I was wrong, which is predicted by Dr. Taleb. With a Black Swan, you never know.

I could have known that buying the second cheapest wine in the store. This could be the first cheapest if you factor in that only known losers like Manischewitz cost less.

We were looking for the famed Two Buck Chuck wine from Trader Joe’s, but of course, they were closed by the time we got there. Therefore, we are stuck with the Black Swan Cabernet Sauvignon.

At first glance, this is a classy wine. Aside from the name, the cover of the bottle could be the cover of a decent fantasy novel. The black swan is so stylized and it has a shiny beak like the shiny covers of the thrillers. On second thought thriller, in general, are not for me. Nor is this wine. The label even comments on itself, “NEW LOOK! Same Bold Taste.” I should have known that a self-referential label was a bad idea especially when we are talking about cheapo wine. Finally, the label boasts of an Australian vintage in the year 2006, both good things in my book, but bad in practice.

Only when we got the bottle open, though, did we realize we made a mistake. The first sniff and there was a harsh acrid odor that only smelled faintly of wine. The first sip and one tastes water that has a little bit of wine flavor in it. There’s more flavor once you swallow the stuff, but most of that is an acid burn. Once the swallow is done, there’s a pleasant post-wine taste in one’s mouth. So it tastes best when you are done drinking it, actually.

I don’t want you to think that Black Swan is all bad. That would be too predictable which would contradict the label. It’s just not the greatest wine you could get for six dollars. After all, I could get 3 bottles of Two Buck Chuck for the same price or 2.4 bottles of Oak Creek from CVS Drug Store.

If someone serves this, and it’s the only wine then drink away. If you have a choice then try something else. You never know.

Oak Creek Cabernet Sauvignon

December 17, 2008

At this time, I’m so poor, I can’t really buy wine. I’d prefer to wait until I can afford something that I can afford. Yes, I do low rent wine reviews. Therefore, when I saw this Oak Creek Cabernet Sauvignon* at CVS for $2.50 per bottle, I could not pass it up. Yes, usually cheap ass wine is a pain to drink. I recall the only bottle of wine I had to toss out which was Manishevitz. This stuff made me sick as I drank it.

I figured that the Oak Creek might be similar. But it was worth it because the bottle looked like its contents would be proper wine, not some candy shit.

When I opened the bottle, I was not surprised to see that the cork was made from some rubber, faux cork. It did not hold wine very well, the beads of wine sort of dewed up on the end so it wasn’t much to sniff.

Once I had a single sip of this stuff I was hooked. It was just as good as the best wine I ever had. The best. The wine was very dark purple (like normal wine!) and very dry (also normal(. Since I have a very poor sense of taste, the cheapest bottle of wine is a crack in the sidewalk away from the most expensive so long as the cheap stuff adheres to a few standards like not tasting like grape jelly mixed with turpentine.

Ever since, I can’t look at another bottle of wine the same. Everything is in increments of 2.5. For example, for each five dollar bottle of crappy wine I see in the grocery store, I think that I could get two bottles of Oak Creek. And so on. The regular ten dollar bottles are way out of my league now.

In fact, I have no desire to drink any other wine again as long as I live. This is it for me.

Wine perfection. I wasn’t even hung over the next day which is strange because wine often makes people sick because of the sulfates. And also because of the alcohol.

* [Note I have no affiliation with Oak Creek in any way, but boy I wish I did.]