Erie Needs to Stem the Tide or Forever Lose Its Title by Tullie Antipodes

I find it funny how Erie’s Population has declined at the rate of only one person a year for the last 7 years. Now jsut imagine if that pizza deliveryman wasn’t forced to blow himself up! Then Erie would have been bigger by a whole person! True, had he lived, he mgiht have simply moved away by now – but I kind of doubt it.

Apparently, however, the decline was still humiliating enough since the Mayor of Erie wants to take back the all-important title of Third Largest City in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania back from that all-mighty boomtown, Allentown. It’s like Philly vs. Phoenix all over again! Only we now know that Phoenix ended up winning and it seems that Allentown is charging ahead, at the impressive rate of 77 people a year. There’s no way Erie can catch up to that steam train!

After all, there’s a lot of prestige riding on being No. 3 in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. Just like people can always name New York, LA, and Chicago as the largest cities in the country, people used to typically say Philly-Pittsburgh-Erie all in one breath. Now its Philly-Pittsburgh-Allentown. It’s time for Erie to get equal billing again! Also, in the same way San Antonio looks like it might snatch the titel of 6th largest from Philly only 2 years after Phoenix took away the title of 5th, Erie can’t afford to have that upstart city of Reading, PA take away the title of 4th largest.

Erie should hire Billy Joel to write a song about it. After all, he did it for Allentown and that place has gone nowhere but up since the 80’s. Why does Allentown get all the benefit and not Erie??? Never mind that the song really described Bethlehem and not Allentown. Well, I guess they’re the same place…

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