Tour Guiding I: Genesis of a Tour Guide

In addition to my lovely day job, I also have a really fun night job. As a tour guide.

I like being a tour guide because most of it consists of talking radical leftists politics with history and acting majors. In between chit chatting, I occasionally wave the queen’s wave, your hand upright, fingers together. Now slowly rotate your hand about your wrist. No! Slower. Better, but do it a bit slower, and you have the queen’s wave down. For some reason the tourists love it eventhough it is not required of my job. I also occasionally try to get people to come to the show. Mostly it’s hanging out which is great because each night it’s like going to a cocktail party where I get paid.

The other reason I love this job is the costume. I get to wear a shirt with puffy sleeves, a red vest, a tricorn hat (three corners for the non-majors in the history of colonial clothing), and a neckstock. The latter is like a tie, but even thicker than the one they had in the seventies (ninteen seventies) and shorter. It’s like a puffy tie to match the shirt. Think Pirates of the Carribean.

Once I had kids come up to me and ask if I was a pirate, and I said yes. Then they mentioned that if I was a pirate I must drink rum all the time. If this were true, the child continued in their strange but logical vein, you must be an alcoholic. I guess so.

The final reason I like my job is that it is relaxing. During the actual tour it is very quiet, and I all I can hear is the white noise hum of the projectors. I usually stare at a tree and zone out while I listen to the soothing hum. This is nice because I am forced to be there. No where to go. Nothing else to do. Just stand and relax. Very fun.

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