Meta Blogging I

When I first started blogging, it was mainly a “me too” thing. Monkey see, monkey do. I enjoyed blogging because I was able to “let off a lot of steam.” I blogged about computers and politics and “computers and politics”. The computer posts were useful, but esoteric. The political posts were inflammatory and fun.

When the whole crack down on journalists occured combined with the demonization of “liberals”, I began to get scared. Then they started to toss people into a legal blackhole, making up terms that were not even in the law with nary a question from the media nor congress nor the court systems. Everyone went along with a charade made up by a team of radical legal scholars who found words in documents where I could not find them. When they started discussing stripping someone of their citizenship in order to more easily win in court and deny the person basic human rights, I pulled down all my political posts.

I realized that when I thought made zero difference in how the nation was going to be run. I realized that logic, consistency, and now basic reading comprehension skills were not only useless, but an actual impediment to one’s peace of mind. My entire life had been based upon being intelligent. Now all that was wiped away by a single man. I was beyond angry. My angry bled into everything around me. It consumed me.

I decided that I would no longer try to “win” political debates with people. I began to look at other people’s feelings more seeing as logic was a dead issue. I learned a lot about myself and others. You could say my “people” skills improved. In fact, I was once accused of trying to use my charm to get around the fact that I was quite stupid. I took that as a huge compliment. I all ready had really high test scores. I didn’t need any validation of my intelligence. I did think, though, that I rubbed people the wrong way. This comment was a sign of how far I had come.

My wife taught me how to meditate which besides marriage to her, comedy, and Buffy is the biggest thing that has changed my life for the better. Through meditation and reading about it, I realized how my emotions were being swayed by arbitrary symbols that appeared in front of me. A word would make my heart race.

I know this is misguided, but I decided that to bar from my life anything that caused me agitation. I didn’t look at cars that came toward me when turing left and I had the light because this really stressed me out. I didn’t look at people’s faces who were mad at me because I figured this would make me angry. I stopped reading the news. I stopped watching TV. I didn’t talk about controversial subjects. In fact, I memorized a table of topics not to talk about. Sometimes, I didn’t talk at all unless spoken to.

In short, I started to have a bizarre, annoying, somewhat anti-social, self-centered behavior. I thought this was Zen. At this point, I’d call it “Being An Idiot”.

After a while, I wanted to talk about something safe and something that would make me happy. Yes, I obsess too much about trivial things like what am I going to say at parties. This is where humor came in. Humor made me feel good. Also, I had been trying to do humor for years, but I was getting it wrong and accidentally insulting people. When they got mad at me, I got mad at them because they must be idiots to not get my jokes that are laced with obscure references.

Once I became conscious I was doing humor, things got easier.

After a short while, I found humor really hard. I realized that appreciated the funny things at life was most important, and that I would never 0wn the standup world. I’m not that funny, and my skin is thin. That’s OK. I got a lot out of it.

I started humor blogging because it was easier. Things went well for a while.

Then I got called a jag off by someone who I consider to be on the same side politically. Worse, was when I checked out the WP humor blogs. They were really nasty to the point where they agitated me and ruined part of my day. I immediately thought, is my humor that hurtful, too?

I don’t know the answer to that. I’m still going to be funny, but I’ll try to be a little more careful not to hurt anyone’s feelings. If I hurt anyone’s feelings, I didn’t mean to. I am sorry. The fault is my own.


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