Fired to Blogger Fame

My original plan for this blog was to do something outrageous on it like wear my uniform while standing in sexy poses or making fun of my boss. Then I’d get fired and the outrage would catapult me to internet fame. My wife informed me that nobody wanted to look at my ass online. I really like all my bosses right now. My plan was to post some of the funny letters we get in the office from the students.

My wife informed that would be a terrible idea. Not only is it a big breach of trust nor is it just that it will ruin my career (as an office boy) and blacklist me from ever working so I can never pay off my debts. The worst thing is that the student’s letters aren’t that particularly interesting.

Therefore, I came up with my own conclusion. Make up my own letters. That’s right, these letters are completely made up. COMPLETELY MADE UP. They are not based on any real people nor were they letters sent from anyone at all.

Last Thursday after finals were done, on a dare, my friends and I went to one of those East Philly parties to slum it. Never in my life have I been surrounded by so many smelly people not even at the City Hall subway stop.

I wanted to get out of there, but my friends pitched in for beer for some retarded cause like saving the sea lions or child support for a convicted killer. Needless to say, I got really plastered on low rent beer and hooked up with some skank. The following Monday some strange blisters broke out along the base of my penis giving it the look roughly of a squid tentacle.

I phoned home to my uncle who always takes care of the “little problems” that the men in our family get into. He rushed me the cure. However, when I go to the mail room, the gum smacking surly waste of space LIED to me. She said they never received the package. Meanwhile green pus starts to come out of my blisters and even the prostitute I keep on the side started to notice.

It wasn’t until Tuesday that I got my package. I had to wait an entire half a week to receive the treatment I needed. When I told the clerk in the mail room that I almost lost my penis because of her, she laughed in my face!

What can I do to get more professional treatment? I only go to one of the most expensive college in the country. You’d think that at the prices I pay for tuition, they would have people who would bring my packages to my room on a daily basis.

The reply was even better.

I’m glad your uncle is a physician who can diagnose diseases, prescribe drugs, then pick them up for you and mail the to you. You must live some kind of charmed life to sleep with women in ghettos and not expect to get all kinds of VD even AIDS. Don’t you even go to the health seminars during orientation? The Uni can not be responsible for diseases picked up from off campus whores.

We also can not rush packages to you if your uncle can’t even spell his nephew’s name right.

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