Just a note, this is my usual bile only more so. Don’t read on if you are easily offended or if you complete lack common sense or a sense of humor or both.

OK, I’m totally sick of people getting environmentalism wrong. The people who make me the sickest are those who spout garbage about liking the environment. These people lambast the president for his agenda and get frothy of the mouth over another old growth forest getting cut down. They are wasting their time. All this yelling is creating more greenhouse gases.

Once and for all, there are two kinds of green.

The first green is Trendy Green. This is the Oprah-style green that likes to feel so elite. This is spouted by the same people who split hairs of speech regarding race, but live in all white neighborhoods. These people deserve all the mockery they can get. Here’s why:

Buying stuff is the problem not the solution. If you think you can consume your way into being green, you are an idiot. Better to drive a bit less and car pool rather than dump your car to buy a shiny new Prius. Do you know how much energy it takes to make a new car? If we all bought new Prius’s we’d be doing that much more damage not less. Plus where does the electricity come from that powers that Prius?

The second type of Green, I’d like to call Common Sense. To me, it is common sense that automobiles pump out noxious gases that are not fit for human consumption. It is also common sense that we live in a box, though it is big, it’s still one big box. You wouldn’t stand around in a closed garage and run your car, why do it in the slightly bigger garage of the earth. Just turn the damned thing off. If you can’t breath nicely by it, you are damaging the earth.

There is limited water. The stuff that is bottled has to come from somewhere. If you fuck with the groundwater, all hope is lost. No matter how rich you are, you can not escape this planet. If you mess up the water, we all pay. I don’t think even wealthy people have all their food watered by bottled water that came from a sealed vault somewhere that is infinite in capacity. Eventually, all the water will be poisoned. Yes, you can drink distilled water, but are you going to water your crops with it? Are you going to grow everything inside so it can’t rain acid rain on them? Are you going to use a flame ionizer to check the feed that your cattle gets for heavy metals before feeding them? Fuck up our water, everyone’s water is fucked up.

Why can’t I jump into a river and swim in it? Why do I have to be afraid? Not wanting to be afraid is common sense. Unfortunately, the environmental waters are being clouded by trendy assholes.

This is the true reason there will be no real environmental movement in the US:

1. People just like to follow the crowd. Every real thing people can do to help the environment is bogged down by so-called Greenies who bitch about going to far. Ruining the goddamned planet is going too far. Not damaging it anymore is not going anywhere. It’s fucking common sense. So the sheep like to pretend that they are green then they do stupid shit like consume even more things.

The other assholes don’t bother me so much. These are the anti-greens. They make up all kinds of cruel names to call the trendy asshole fake greens like tree hugger. Big deal. What does it mean to dump toxic chemicals into water your children eventually going to drink? Uh, terrorists? Wise investors? Whatever. I think it’s funny because they say they don’t care about the environment, but I don’t see anyone of them build a factory on their golf course. If they want to live in their little fantasy world, that’s OK with me. At least they are happy. Their children will pay for it. I’m sure their happy about shitting on their kids, too. I don’t have any.

2. The debate gets bogged down in bogus details. Who gives a shit about CO2 and surface temperature? A lot of us came from places that get buried in snow. We have air conditioning now. Florida real estate developers have long deceived us into thinking a humid swamp is equivalent to some kind of paradise. When people think global warming they think their hometown will be like Tahiti complete with a beach and a obsequious native to bring them fruity drinks with little umbrellas in them.

The point should be that cars stink. Conduct all environmental debates near a tailpipe of a running car. As refreshments serve water from an industrial waste dump. For food serve the latest mad cow burger. Let’s see how long you love autos when this is all you see of them. No need for stats. Just suck in some fumes and see that this can’t be good for me. End of debate. Your opponent will have a hard time coming up with a comeback when he struggling to get proper oxygen to his brain.

An hour of powerpoint will bore your audience to tears. Nobody cares about these retarded analogies. Analogies cloud the real issue. This bullshit Way of LifeTM is ruining the planet. That’s what the real war is about, for the right to ruin the earth so your (I don’t have any) children will live in a hellhole. If anyone argues, they get run over by a Hummer.

So here’s my prediction, things are going to get a lot worse. Fingers will be pointed. They will get pointed most at people who predict the problems. They’ll get pointed at the people said we have a problem in the environment, and we need to fix it. The more people ruin the earth the more they’ll suffer. The more they suffer the more they’ll blame the greens. This is because the other half, the earth poisoners don’t believe in reality as I know it. They believe in words, and their power to shape reality. This is because it sometimes works. You can order people to cover stuff up, and we won’t have to worry anymore.

So here’s my advice.

1. If you are worrying about the environment. Don’t. It’s a waste of time. Don’t keep up with updates. Nobody cares if they are ass raping the last forests in Brazil and Indonesia to grow popcorn or monkey grass or whatever is monoculture is trendy with investors this week as the Next Hot InvestmentTM. You’re probably as much at fault as that Hummer driver, but the Hummer driver is happy and your not. That’s not fair. So get a Hummer and be happy.

2. If you want to really help the environment, then there is no help for you. You will be see as an outcast and a loser by your closest friends. Even those you trusted, fellow greens, will turn out to be Trendy Greens in the end. They will laugh at you. Trust me. Dump these people and make friends with Hummer owners that you drive to gun shows. It’s been proven that gun owners are happier than non-gun owners. So stop worrying.

3. Why are you still reading this? If you are, I’ll post some tips in the future. They will cause you to lose your friends. But they will gain you a sense of humor, self-worth, and they will actually do something.


One Response to “Greenism”

  1. equa yona Says:

    You are a real jagoff.

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