Web Zen My Karmic Ass!

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Web Zen My Karmic Ass!

As an amateur student of Zen, nothing makes me want to punch someone more than after reading about Zen this, Zen that on the Internet only to click on it to find out that it’s nothing to do with Zen at all. They only used the word Zen to be hip or cool.

Tips to web posters who want to use the word Zen:

Step one. Don’t use the word. Just don’t bother. You don’t know what it means. Here are some detailed tips:

  1. If you want to say sparse, or empty or minimal such as office design, instead of saying, “the décor was very Zen” say “the décor was very minimal”.

  2. If you are talking about a coincidence of something strange instead of saying, “it was a Zen moment” say, “it was an unusual (or strange) moment).

  3. If you want to say someone is very calm or indifferent instead of saying, “he’s really Zen” try “he’s calm to the point of being indifferent”.

  4. If you want to talk about a style of Buddhism that started in China and migrated to Japan then to the United States and other parts of the world that has an emphasis on the sacredness of daily life, mindfulness, and lots of sitting meditation say “Zen”.

Another thing that makes my ass burn (besides an hour of sitting meditation) is the use of the word karma. This is another case where a perfectly good word that meant something pretty simple is used to mean whatever retarded thought pops into a hippies head.

It’s almost like waving these words around, Zen and karma, the person is saying “look at me, look at me, I’m a dirty hippie.” You’re not. If you want to be a dirty hippie here’s the quick guide:

  1. Tell your boss to fuck himself.

  2. Stop showering. Stop cutting your hair. Stop shaving.

  3. Start sleeping in a park and taking drugs.

But you might say, that’s not hippiness, that’s homelessness. To that, I say, “why are you so uptight about it? Hippie is just a word. I’ll use it however I want to. Besides, I know what I mean when I say ‘dirty hippie’ and everyone else does except little Mr. Grammar Maven Butt Head! When you correct people’s ‘word choice’ it makes you look like a dick!”

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