Honesty, the Most Retarded Policy

So basically all these morons are asking why do these polititans lie all the time. If you ask that question, I have news for you, if a politian did not lie, I wouldn’t trust her/him.

Politics is not about compromise, democracy, nor is it the “art of the possible”. It’s also not feng-shui nor is it abstract art, acid jazz, interpretive dance, synchonized swimming, nor is it making of long unfunny lists. Politics is about getting a job, and anyone who actually has a job knows, the only way to actually get a job is to lie.

No, not lie in a big way like say that you are a leading brain surgeon professional from Haavaad. That’s a terrible idea. First of all, there are no brain surgeons. They are neurosurgeons. Second, brain surgeons all will have a list of publications that you won’t have. Too hard to fake. Also, waaaay too boring. Forget it.

So it’s better to lie about things that can’t be verified publically. Such as the fact that you actually get along with other people. Or the fact that the thing that excietes you the most is measuring the pH of the slime that comes out of a person’s armpit in the next twenty-four hours. Simple things.

Since politics is all about employment, it is similar to dating in that in order to get some, you have to convince the person sitting across from you that you can get the job done. Just like sex, it’s less about hard work (they sell machines that outperform men/womyn everytime) but rather you’re really a fun gal/guy. Which is why I started to practice comedy. If you can get them laughing they won’t care if you can tell dura mater from Durex.

All that matters most to these Hrumfs is that you are relaxed. The most relaxed people are those who don’t really need to get laid anyway. Similarly, the best candidates for a job are the ones who don’t really need the job. This is why I can’t even get a job volunteering, giving away my time. Because I reek of the cologne of DesperationTM. The guys who get laid all the time are the guys who get laid all the time. They don’t need to.

This is why Bush won the presidency. He was all ready rich and well connected with Washington insiders. He didn’t need the job. What did Gore having going for him? Amateur acting gigs where he plays a guy who actually cares about the environment, but actually doesn’t do anything about it except make more carbon gases bitching about it? Of the Kerry Zombie dude who gets off mainly by cracking amateur standup while his most rabid supporters take 5000 Volts?

“Don’t taze me dude, I don’t need your stupid job!”


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