Archive for February, 2008

Hillary Hatin’

February 29, 2008

What is it with the Clinton bashing?

OK, OK, I’m still a little miffed that my candidate Ron Paul got bumped despite winning a Fox debate. I’m also upset that my “dream match” with Kusinich would not occur. I’d really like to go to the ballot box thinking, “This is great! I don’t who to vote for. _Both_ canditates are great. Perhaps, I’ll spend a little time looking at the _issues_.

Seeing last election. And the one before that, the only way you can win this thing is to have fighter. By fighter I mean cheater.

So with tin foil hat firmly in place, I’d like to say that Hillary should be the nominee. You really need to be able to do anything to win this one. If it takes delegates with super powers, SuperDelegates (or even some sweet camel case delegates) I say so be it.

Why the hell would we want a cool, handsome, charismatic, good speaker of a candidate when we can have a real fighter?

Hot Real Estate Deal!

February 29, 2008

I was thinking of places to live recently. We were going to actually buy property, real estate. I wonder why they call it real estate. Is there something out there called fake estate?

I finally found the perfect place to live: Sunnday, California.

Pluses:

1. Cheap real estate

2. Highly urban environment with a small town feel.

3. Very walkable. Everything in walking distance including funeral homes.

4. Best occult library in the country.

5. Streets feel safe. Large number of women who walk around alone at night including in graveyards with infants.

6. Great weather.

Negatives:

1. Highest crime rate in the country. There are frequent outbreaks of random murder, posession, biting, forced sex with insects, abduction, canibalism, and indoctrination into cults.

2. Environmental hazards. City is situated on top of a hellmouth, a nexus of supernatural origin.

3. Creepy librarian who pressures teens to walk the streets at night in case there are any criminals.

4. Nightlife is dominated by a nightclub that caters to teens underneath the drinking age. Only other hangout is ice cream store.

Conclusion:

Despite the high level of crime and supernatural events, the streets of Sunnydale are much friendlier and welcoming than the streets of Philadelphia.

Lay off the Beard! Yo. (Does “yo” usually have a period after it or exclamation point?)

February 27, 2008

People are so wrong when they say I grew a beard. I didn’t. I just stopped shaving and the beard grew by itself. Really, it’s a big difference to me.

It’s like getting cancer, and people cooing, “Oh, I heard you got yourself a big case of cancer.”

“No, no, no,” the cancer got in me. I didn’t stand there saying, “Bring it on or anything.”

If I could have a face as smooth as well, my own head, that would be great. For one, I’d save money on razors. For two I’d save a lot of time.

Time explaining that this beard is a huge burden. For one, people will think I’m a dirty hippie. That’s only half true. I might be dirty, but I hate hippies. Each time, I see a police officer I keep thinking they are going to frisk me for drugs or something. I want to be extra nice to the police saying, “Hey guys, I’m on your side. OK?”

Also, I keep thinking that people will think that I am smarter than I am or at least more pretentious and that’s a lot of pressure on me, though I have no idea why.

Also, I fear they might think I’m Freud or at least one of his lame imitators who thinks he Freud. I hate Freud. I have theory about Freud actually. I think that he was actually flat out retarded or at least more like some kind of idiot savant who’s only skill was putting together strings of complete sentences on paper. The senteces are complete in that they all have subjects and verbs. It’s not hard to make all your sentences grammatically complete every single time. Usually.

I’m so pissed about this beard that whenever someone talks about my beard, I immediately deny it and tell the basically what I wrote above. Most of it anyway. This leads to them rapidly changing the subject for some reason as if they can’t deal with the truth that this awful beard snuck up on like economic collapse.

Even worse are those people who don’t mention the beard at all. Last time I see them I have a smooth face, then it is suddenly bearded. You’d think that they would at least acknowledge it or something. Instead it sort of sits on the edges of conversation ignored like the homeless person on the street corner.

It gives me the idea that people don’t look at my face for some reason. God, I thought I was ugly before, but now that I have this beard, people really give it to me. I wish they’d just let up on me just a little. I mean, my face might look like a barbershop at the end of the day, but for the love of God, I’m human. At least, I’m not a god damned hippie.

So in summary, if you see me, and notice the beard here’s what I want:

1. Acknowledge the beard in a kind neutral manner. Don’t compliment it. It might hear you and stary around. I can tolerate light criticism. It makes for a better humerous comeback that I have memorized and rehearsed a million times.

2. When I complain about the beard, STAY ON TOPIC. Don’t look away as if I am some kind of leper.

3. Don’t make such a big deal about the beard. IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL. OK. So stop talking about it all ready. I’m sick of people who disrespect me!

Veganism: A Priviledge of Dreadlocked Trustafarians by guest blogger Chuy Carnicero

February 25, 2008

I think veganism is funny, to be honest- a joke of civilization, a priviledge of dreadlocked trustafarians who want to hold themselves in higher esteem than those dirty, not-as-spiritually-in-tune meat eaters.  Even the Ayurvedic tradition doesn’t mandate veganism.  Only the comforts of our totally “civilized” world could give rise to such idiotic dietary requirements to remain “Pure”.  I’ve heard vegans and fruitatarians argue about the health and spiritual aspects and come to the conclusion that really, “Breathatarians” are the more spiritual of all—  what!!?  yes, some people have been duped into believing that “totally spiritual” yogis can live off the air.  They get nutrients through breathing.  I  consider myself to be an open minded kinda guy, but it’s there is a screen door that keeps some bullshit out.  In this particular conversation to which I am referring, I spoke up and said that there is no such thing as a Breathatarian- at least not one who lived very long.  You can’t breathe nutrients in through the air- the breath doesn’t even go into the digestive system!  Some idiots are undeterred by truth, however, and let them be, I say….  their bubble will burst if they ever actually try Breathatarianism– but my concern is that some would languish as a vegan or fruitatarian thinking there is some higher diet and some people being Even More Spiritual.  but why stop there?  Maybe eating all this air is spiritually distracting. Perhaps even Breathing is bogging us down spritually, and if we could just live off our own recycled sense of self-satisfaction, then we might finally transcend humanity.

Journal Insight on Banking: Avoiding Rational Behavior as a Long Term Survival Strategy

February 24, 2008

Interesting reading in the Journal–for all you barbarians, that means, The Wall Street Journal, duh!–today. “Housing Cycle is Caught in A Vicious Circle,” by Scott Patterson. As a fan of horror, couldn’t pass up this article.

I think of the economy mainly as a circle just like the rest of the universe, but a Vicious circle. A circle of death. John Geanakoplos says that “a negative-feedback loops are driving today’s economy.” I can picture a fleet of shiny black HumVee’s TM each being driven by that Walmart TM smiley face who slashes prices, but this time, his eyebrows are pointed in a V, his smile is Vicious. He’s the vicious circle of death.

My favorite line is this chestnut, “Individual banks might be acting rationally when demanding more and better collateral. Trouble is, when every lender does this, it becomes self-destructive triggering shock waves that threaten banks, themselves.” OK, Mr. SmartyPants TM, sounds good. The only problem I have is with the little word: rationally. What does rationally mean to you. According to the context of your article:

Rationally – acting in a self-destructive manner that triggers shock waves threatening banks themselves.

I’m not so bright as to go to Yale for economics, nor even to go to an Ivy. Heck, I didn’t even finish grad school. But still, the way Mr. Patterson uses the word, rationally, that’s the opposite of what I thought it was. I’d search and replace rationally with the word suicidally.

But the article gets better. “The trick is for policy makers to break the loop.” So banks are so stupid that they “trigger shock waves that threaten themselves” that they need a big nanny government to take care of them. Poor little idiot bankers. Shouldn’t they do something like hire some smart people, maybe from Yale economics to figure out what rationally really means? Or do we need congress to investigate this?

This is the same paper that stands against every social program, the one who does not wish to help citizens who can’t decider something like a sub-prime mortgage agreement. No, people with grade school educations can be trusted to figure out all legalese on their own. All citizens can be trusted to act rationally. Or is it suicidal?

Homeless “Problem” Solved Thanks to Philadelphia…Airport by Guest Blogger: Tullie Antipodes

February 22, 2008

 

 

Speaking, recently, of Philadelphia airport one traveler noted, “This is the only airport I’ve seen in the country — and, for that matter, almost anywhere in the world — that has homeless people wandering around.”

 

It really makes the airport seem really third world – that is except for the fact that third world airports don’t have homeless people wandering about either…

 

I don’t think having homeless at the airport gives the city a black eye. Rather, it is truth in advertising. Unlike Atlanta, where you have a gleaming huge airport for a shrunken head of a city, Philly airport is representative of the city. You’ve got your homeless, your urine smells, your shit stains, your poor service, your surly workers, your domineering unions, your corruption (Milton Street), your poor public transit (the only major airport that I know of with no free shuttle between terminals – let alone the lack of a free monorail or people mover), etc.

 

Come to think about it, there is no reason why the homeless wouldn’t be at the airport. After all, they’re everywhere in 30th Street Station (as any trip over there at 6AM would prove). The airport’s an even better location for them to hang out and its safer too since the bad guys would get deterred by the security. In fact, they ought to just have all the homeless in Center City moved to the airport. It would benefit all. They would have use of the facilities and an endless supply of bleeding heart limousine liberals from the suburbs and Midwest to give them money. There’s even a chapel on site and the religious types going to it will feel the need to do “God’s duty” and clothe, feed, and take care of them. It’ll also get them off the streets of Center City and out of the way. Sure, it’ll give travelers a bad first impression of Philly, but it’s better that they get hit by it sooner rather than later. Also, they’ll get a bad impression soon enough anyway from taking the R1 or the Schuylkill Expressway through the ghetto before reaching Center City.

 

In the words of Rendell, I see a “win win situation”.